I’ve always wanted to lose weight; I’ve been fat all my life, and it’s almost felt like there has been a hidden force inside me, keeping me fat. I’ve had a tumultuous history of losing and gaining weight, that in the end, left me feeling frustrated and dejected about achieving any long term weight loss– inevitably driving me back to overeating and comfort foods. I thought that without food as a reward l would feel empty and down. Comfort foods where always the highlight of my day, and I honestly thought that without my favourite snacks or fast food I’d find myself feeling empty, flat or depressed. Let’s face it, it’s much less confronting to comfort yourself with a packet of chips than admit just how unhappy you are with your job, body, weight and/or relationship. Sadly, eating to anesthetise my feelings only served to help me avoid making important changes in my life – and changing my unhealthy eating and lack of exercise.
It’s only now that I can admit that my main fear has been that I will no longer have a scapegoat – carrying this extra weight has always been the excuse I have given myself for not facing up to setbacks, or for opting out of things that have pushed me out of my comfort zone. Blaming my weight for everything has been the shield which I have hidden behind – and over the last 7 weeks, losing this emotional crutch has left me feeling quite vulnerable. But, rather than allowing it to lead me back to old habits like so many times before, this time I have used it to fuel & reinforce that I don’t only need to change my body – I need to spring clean my life! My tunnel vision that my weight is responsible for everything that I don’t like in my life is gone, and I now know that ‘just’ losing the weight will not suddenly wave a magic wand over my life. At the end of the day, the weight loss will simply equal the loss of the excuses that I have used to hide from life. I have worked hard to identify and manage the inner forces that fear and resist my weight loss, and finally believe that I am not doomed to stay fat…
I’m still scared; of so many things. I’m scared of failing – scared of succeeding; scared of losing myself and the identity I have carried for so long. But I’ve realised that fear isn’t just something I have to deal with and get past – it’s something I will have to learn to manage. This window of opportunity has opened up in front of me and the alarm bells in the part of me that “knows” are ringing wildly, putting my mind and body on full alert. Fear shows up EVERY time we grow or move towards our dreams, but rather than retreating, this time I am trying to rechannel the fear of the unknown that comes from venturing into new territory, into feeling excited for the future. Success will not immunise me against fear, so I don’t expect it ever to fully go away – but the good news is that in time, I know I will heal this inner force…For now, I am jumping over my fears, and JUST DOING IT!
In the last 6 weeks I have lost a total of 22 kilos, bring my weight down from 167 kilos to 145 kilos – Woohoo!
Waist: 155 cms +
Thigh: 76 cms
Arm: 47 cms
Chest: 145 cms
Today, Day 50
Arm: 36 cms
Chest: 127 cms
That’s 16 cms off my waist – 7cms off my thigh – 11 cms off my arm and 18 cms off my chest! So, a total weight loss of 22 kilos & 52 cms off my body!
So what are you thinking of doing, or changing, or saying in your life that causes you fear at the mere thought? Stop and think about it – what is it you REALLY fear? Let’s all grab hands, take a deep breath, and jump! You’ll be surprised what you discover and how you feel on the other side!
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